Flirted With Death

Flirted With Death

My Dearest Adam,

You just keep escaping death don’t you, you cocky son of a bitch. I suppose the illuminating letter I only now received must’ve been lost in your draft folder, and here I’ve been left thinking the most terrible of thoughts as I imagined what had become of my dearest pen pal whom I had so erroneously believed to have been sequestered to one of the far reaches of hell. Why would I think otherwise if I haven’t received word from you for the past TWO MONTHS! How kind of you to take time away from your precious mortal life to gloat about how you get to keep your soul due to a technicality. A technicality for which you made abundantly clear in your many thanks and praises that I am personally responsible for having lost hell a soul because you heeded my words about how only idiots sign contracts in blood. You silvered-tongued devil you, convincing the demon you originally summoned to scare off your dead friend to merely shake on it when striking the deal to trade your soul in for a girlfriend. AND THIS STUPID CREATURE AGREED?!

Thanks to his lack of foresight, it comes as no shock to all, that the Grim Reaper determined that a simple handshake did not qualify as a permanently binding contract but more so a verbal agreement which enters into the whole “he said” “demon said” argument. Therefore, with the lack of paperwork and witnesses Death sided with you declaring the original agreement null and void, thus permitting you to keep your soul. Then, feeling like a hotshot, you flirted with Death and convinced her to also let you keep the hound. Essentially robbing hell of both a soul and one of the most incredibly feared mythical creature in all of history so that it may become your worthless pet! Words cannot express how I feel about you right now, you incredulously lucky bastard. I’m just sickened with joy for my part in all of this.

I would love to thank this blundering urchin personally for the role he played in all this, so if you can just pass on his name and ID number I would be internally grateful.

Your Friend,   

-∈ Staan

hailstaankingofthedamned@gmail.com

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Flirted with death

My Dearest Adam,

You just keep escaping death don’t you, you cocky son of a bitch. I suppose the illuminating letter I only now received must’ve been lost in your draft folder, and here I’ve been left thinking the most terrible of thoughts as I imagined what had become of my dearest pen pal whom I had so erroneously believed to have been sequestered to one of the far reaches of hell. Why would I think otherwise if I haven’t received word from you for the past TWO MONTHS! How kind of you to take time away from your precious mortal life to gloat about how you get to keep your soul due to a technicality. A technicality for which you made abundantly clear in your many thanks and praises that I am personally responsible for having lost hell a soul because you heeded my words about how only idiots sign contracts in blood. You silvered-tongued devil you, convincing the demon you originally summoned to scare off your dead friend to merely shake on it when striking the deal to trade your soul in for a girlfriend. AND THIS STUPID CREATURE AGREED?!

Thanks to his lack of foresight, it comes as no shock to all, that the Grim Reaper determined that a simple handshake did not qualify as a permanently binding contract but more so a verbal agreement which enters into the whole “he said” “demon said” argument. Therefore, with the lack of paperwork and witnesses Death sided with you declaring the original agreement null and void, thus permitting you to keep your soul. Then, feeling like a hotshot, you flirted with Death and convinced her to also let you keep the hound. Essentially robbing hell of both a soul and one of the most incredibly feared mythical creature in all of history so that it may become your worthless pet! Words cannot express how I feel about you right now, you incredulously lucky bastard. I’m just sickened with joy for my part in all of this.

I would love to thank this blundering urchin personally for the role he played in all this, so if you can just pass on his name and ID number I would be internally grateful.

Your Friend,   

-∈ Staan

hailstaankingofthedamned@gmail.com

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