How to Cast a Love Spell

How to Cast a Love Spell

My Dearest Leah,

Another loveless Valentine’s Day has passed in which you found yourself dining alone in your apartment eating the carcass of a cold, oven-baked chicken while you poured yourself glass after glass of rosé all the while spying out your dining room window at your irritatingly pretty neighbor and her smoking-hot boyfriend engaged in a romantic dinner. The emptier that bottle became the more you found yourself imagining that woman was you eating that ten-dollar heart-shaped pizza on top the paper plates and drinking box wine from the plastic cup as the two of you make love with your eyes. It was you whose left arm was stretched atop the small table as your fingers extended in search of his warmth, those sinful-red finger nails stroking the hair on his arm meanwhile the two of you are locked in a game of footsie under the table. It was you who wasn’t dining alone, except for it wasn’t you was it? Instead it’s that annoying perfect girl who has the man you deserve wrapped around her little finger. To add insult to injury she catches you innocently observing and walks over to the window and drapes it closed with a look of reproof as if you are the wrong-doer and not she who has been putting her romance on display without the least bit of consideration as to how you would feel.

How would you like to pay her the same consideration in turn? Make it so this time around it is she who will be drinking her crappy boxed wine all on her lonesome as she watches you play footsie with her smoking-hot boyfriend inside your apartment. In order for this to happen you will need to cast a simple love spell that will have him obsessed with you. This will require: two red candles (one will represent you and the other him), a lighter, an altar i.e. someplace to burn the candles safely, a treasure box, a bag of cotton balls, a plain white sheet of paper, three long strands of your hair, a few toenail clippings, an instrument that can be used to prick your finger with, and his name. (This I imagine could be discovered if you were to leave your window open at night, but as contact with the target is a requirement the best option is to run into him and ask him.)

Once a name has been secured you can proceed with the spell. Love spells are best performed at night under a full moon but if you wish not to wait around for the next one any night will suffice. Once a night has been picked you can begin step one.

Step 1: Under the light of the moon or in a dark room with a window facing the moon you will want to set up your altar.

Step 2: Using your finger pricking instrument draw enough blood for you to write with. If the blood dries up repeat the process.

Step 3: Getting out your sheet of paper write your name in blood on one half of the paper and his on the other all the while chanting six times: “Ditch the bitch, I’m your witch.” Afterwards fold the paper over so both your names lie on top of each other.

Step 4: Set out the candles and set them on top the paper. Place both candles closely together so the wax will pull together when lit. When the wax drips onto the paper it shall seal the deal. Taking the strands of your hair wrap it around both candles to bind the two of you together. Then lighting the candle chant with feeling: “This burning fire shall light you desire, so the thought of me shall never tire and lest the consequences be dire from my side you shall never retire.” If executed right the candle flames will soar indicating the spell is working properly.

Step 5: Once the candles have burned out take the paper and tuck it away in the box. Utilizing your toenail clippings sprinkle them inside the box to insure he’s kept underfoot.

Step 6: Finish the spell by covering your magical workings with cotton balls to insure your secret keeps buried and then hide the box in a dark space in your home where it can be left undisturbed. You should start seeing results within a few days from whence the spell was cast.

Best of wishes, love.

Your Friend,   

-∈ Staan

hailstaankingofthedamned@gmail.com

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How to Cast a Love Spell

My Dearest Leah,

Another loveless Valentine’s Day has passed in which you found yourself dining alone in your apartment eating the carcass of a cold, oven-baked chicken while you poured yourself glass after glass of rosé all the while spying out your dining room window at your irritatingly pretty neighbor and her smoking-hot boyfriend engaged in a romantic dinner. The emptier that bottle became the more you found yourself imagining that woman was you eating that ten-dollar heart-shaped pizza on top the paper plates and drinking box wine from the plastic cup as the two of you make love with your eyes. It was you whose left arm was stretched atop the small table as your fingers extended in search of his warmth, those sinful-red finger nails stroking the hair on his arm meanwhile the two of you are locked in a game of footsie under the table. It was you who wasn’t dining alone, except for it wasn’t you was it? Instead it’s that annoying perfect girl who has the man you deserve wrapped around her little finger. To add insult to injury she catches you innocently observing and walks over to the window and drapes it closed with a look of reproof as if you are the wrong-doer and not she who has been putting her romance on display without the least bit of consideration as to how you would feel.

How would you like to pay her the same consideration in turn? Make it so this time around it is she who will be drinking her crappy boxed wine all on her lonesome as she watches you play footsie with her smoking-hot boyfriend inside your apartment. In order for this to happen you will need to cast a simple love spell that will have him obsessed with you. This will require: two red candles (one will represent you and the other him), a lighter, an altar i.e. someplace to burn the candles safely, a treasure box, a bag of cotton balls, a plain white sheet of paper, three long strands of your hair, a few toenail clippings, an instrument that can be used to prick your finger with, and his name. (This I imagine could be discovered if you were to leave your window open at night, but as contact with the target is a requirement the best option is to run into him and ask him.)

Once a name has been secured you can proceed with the spell. Love spells are best performed at night under a full moon but if you wish not to wait around for the next one any night will suffice. Once a night has been picked you can begin step one.

Step 1: Under the light of the moon or in a dark room with a window facing the moon you will want to set up your altar.

Step 2: Using your finger pricking instrument draw enough blood for you to write with. If the blood dries up repeat the process.

Step 3: Getting out your sheet of paper write your name in blood on one half of the paper and his on the other all the while chanting six times: “Ditch the bitch, I’m your witch.” Afterwards fold the paper over so both your names lie on top of each other.

Step 4: Set out the candles and set them on top the paper. Place both candles closely together so the wax will pull together when lit. When the wax drips onto the paper it shall seal the deal. Taking the strands of your hair wrap it around both candles to bind the two of you together. Then lighting the candle chant with feeling: “This burning fire shall light you desire, so the thought of me shall never tire and lest the consequences be dire from my side you shall never retire.” If executed right the candle flames will soar indicating the spell is working properly.

Step 5: Once the candles have burned out take the paper and tuck it away in the box. Utilizing your toenail clippings sprinkle them inside the box to insure he’s kept underfoot.

Step 6: Finish the spell by covering your magical workings with cotton balls to insure your secret keeps buried and then hide the box in a dark space in your home where it can be left undisturbed. You should start seeing results within a few days from whence the spell was cast.

Best of wishes, love.

Your Friend,   

-∈ Staan

hailstaankingofthedamned@gmail.com

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