So You Think Your Cat Is Possessed?

so you think your cat is possessed?

My Dearest Rachel,

This is not usually what one writes to me about, but I will gladly lend my expertise upon the matter. You believe that your cat Precious is possessed? You say it started with small things such as your cat walking around on its hind legs when it thought you weren’t looking. Then Precious started to act like she was high on catnip all the time peeing on your boyfriends’ side of the bed and treating his stuff as if they were her personal scratching post. Soon after you decided the behavior was due to the food so you switched from dry to wet which caused Precious to retaliate by dropping off the head of your boyfriend’s pet canary on your lap. Since then her murderous behavior has only escalated and now you suspect she may be a crazed serial killer due to the sheer number of pets going missing around your side of the neighborhood and an incriminating collection of blood-encrusted skins and feathers found hidden underneath her cat bed and buried inside her kitty litter. Not to mention, among the dead things she also had in her possession several macabre items such as little Johnny from down the street’s lost molar and your boyfriends missing finger which he accidentally lobbed off while playing with the handsaw. As if the finger were not enough now you say Precious has made attempts to smother your boyfriend by lying on his face in the middle of the night and suffocating him with her little furry body. After the latest attempt, you now write this to me from your laptop while locked inside the bathroom alongside your boyfriend as the two of you hide from Precious who is currently searching for you crying out, “Mama.”

With all the information you gave me I have read nothing that would point towards an actual case of possession. Foaming at the mouth, eyes that change color, and a more murderous approach slightly more diabolical than suffocation are a few signs that would be present during possession. Not to say, that Precious isn’t a demented little fucker in her own right. Evil and cute is quite a rare find, so my advice to you is to keep the pussycat and get rid of the wuss. If the boy can’t handle a cat then he’s not worth keeping around.

Your Friend,

-∈ Staan

hailstaankingofthedamned@gmail.com

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so you think your cat is possessed?

My Dearest Rachel,

This is not usually what one writes to me about, but I will gladly lend my expertise upon the matter. You believe that your cat Precious is possessed? You say it started with small things such as your cat walking around on its hind legs when it thought you weren’t looking. Then Precious started to act like she was high on catnip all the time peeing on your boyfriends’ side of the bed and treating his stuff as if they were her personal scratching post. Soon after you decided the behavior was due to the food so you switched from dry to wet which caused Precious to retaliate by dropping off the head of your boyfriend’s pet canary on your lap. Since then her murderous behavior has only escalated and now you suspect she may be a crazed serial killer due to the sheer number of pets going missing around your side of the neighborhood and an incriminating collection of blood-encrusted skins and feathers found hidden underneath her cat bed and buried inside her kitty litter. Not to mention, among the dead things she also had in her possession several macabre items such as little Johnny from down the street’s lost molar and your boyfriends missing finger which he accidentally lobbed off while playing with the handsaw. As if the finger were not enough now you say Precious has made attempts to smother your boyfriend by lying on his face in the middle of the night and suffocating him with her little furry body. After the latest attempt, you now write this to me from your laptop while locked inside the bathroom alongside your boyfriend as the two of you hide from Precious who is currently searching for you crying out, “Mama.”

With all the information you gave me I have read nothing that would point towards an actual case of possession. Foaming at the mouth, eyes that change color, and a more murderous approach slightly more diabolical than suffocation are a few signs that would be present during possession. Not to say, that Precious isn’t a demented little fucker in her own right. Evil and cute is quite a rare find, so my advice to you is to keep the pussycat and get rid of the wuss. If the boy can’t handle a cat then he’s not worth keeping around.

Your Friend,

-∈ Staan

hailstaankingofthedamned@gmail.com

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